SKE48 Matsui Rena will not be participating in AKB48 41st Single Sousenkyo ( & Blog translation )

( Talking about ・ω・ the Sousenkyo )

Rena here

“I won’t be participating in this year’s Sousenkyo”

is what I said a few moments ago on Twitter.
I will try to explain about the reason as clear as I am able to.

One year ago.
When I was waiting ( for her rank to be called ) on the Sousenkyo stage.

After number 10 was called, normally I would be nervous and stressed about when my name is going to get called. But last year, I was so excited and smiled more than anyone else. ( even though I was so nervous during the preliminary announcement )

At that time, at that place, I was probably the only one that was smiling.

When my name got called and as I stood in front of the microphone, I thought「 Ah, this is probably my last 」 ( that she will be standing there ).

Of course, I was so happy with the rank that I received. It is an honour to me.
I also received lots of kind words from people around me. The feeling of gratitude overflowed, and it’s all thanks to the fans that I am proud of, more than anything else.

That thought of “I probably won’t run for elections anymore” that I felt one year ago, I kept thinking about it and wonder if it’s right to have such thoughts at all.

The activities that I do everyday with the group ( SKE48 / Nogizaka46 ), were they really able to make my fans happy?

If I have to answer that honestly, I don’t think I can answer that with an honest “Yes”.

Before, I was aiming to be #1.
It’s not like that I’ve given up on it –I wonder how to say this– it feels like my vision has grown a lot wider.

Last year especially, I was given the opportunity to meet a lot of people, to work in lots of places, to experience lots of things.
What I’ve learnt during those experiences was that I’m beginning to be able to see my true objective.

The times when I was featured on TV programs and magazines, my fans were delighted.
When I was given the chance to act in drama and moves, “You’ve gotten closer and closer to your dreams!” is what fans said to me.

I noticed that, those words, more than anything, made me VERY happy.

“What am I seeking for?”, “What should I do” – I am currently doing my best to learn all of these.
To be able to answer properly the expectations that are expected of me – I think the value of doing so will definitely get me to be able to do things that are a lot bigger than what I am doing now.

It’s the same with when I perform on the stage.

The difference is, there is no “rank” that’s associated with it.

Because I want to work hard in other things as well, because I want to face my fans properly, I chose not to participate in the Sousenkyo.

From now on, I will not be walking on the path where “Rank” is necessary.

It’s a fight with me, myself, not with others.

Is this the right choice?
I will definitely know the answer to this when I look back later on in the future.

But I will not betray everyone’s hearts.
“Congratulations!” and “Thank you!” – you will always be able to say these to me, so please rest assured.

Because more than anything, that is all I ever wanted.

Rena