Former JKT48 Nozawa Rena’s heartful Google+ message for all her fans

Good evening

A few days ago, I finished my last ever job as a member of JKT48 Team J. I was also given the chance to perform at JKT48’s concert on the 12th of June. It was so nostalgic. “As expected from a place where I started everything from” I thought.

When I was little, I spent 1 year in Thailand, 3 and a half years in Australia. Other than that, I spent most of my life in Japan.

Even though I only spent almost 3 years in Jakarta, the 2 year period from when I successfully auditioned and became a JKT48 member until when I had to return to Japan is a very precious time for me.

Also without me realizing, Jakarta – Indonesia has become something that I treasure very, very much.

During JKT48’s 1st ever audition, to be honest, I wasn’t even sure why I was even there. It’s not like I’ve always admired idols either. I thought “I surely won’t be able to pass this (audition)” when I sent my details.

When I entered the (audition) hall, there were a LOT of Indonesian girls – both younger and older – around me. I had no idea what to say or do. When I think about it, that was it. At that exact time, I finally understood what kind of ‘thing’ that I was auditioning for.

But what it is that I should be doing, I had no idea at all.

There was no one there that I could talk in English nor Japanese to, not a single person.

That me that didn’t understand anything about what I should be doing, that me – she somehow managed to make it to the final step of the audition. Just like a blink of an eye, I became a member of JKT48.

However, that me that had trouble socializing at school, that me that didn’t really like to be in a crowd, that me that wasn’t very good at dealing with other people… she was so lost and confused about how to be good friends with people that don’t even understand a word of what she was saying.

The unique culture of Indonesia that I had no idea about, nobody was there to teach it to me. These ears and eyes that I have been using for 13 years, at that time, I had them working overtime just so that I can learn what I didn’t know.

At the beginning, the things that were said during MC at the theatre, things that other members were saying during the TV appearances… not being able to understand those things made me feel really, REALLY sad and embarrassed.

But, somehow, without me noticing, for some reason I managed to finally be able to grasp and converse in Indonesian, even though only bit by bit. After half a year passed since JKT48 was formed, a theater built solely for the use of JKT48 performances was finally finished.

During those days, the theater was rather empty. The fans that came to see us were only in the numbers of tens, not hundreds. Members were at their limit, both physically and mentally. That’s probably why the first generation members that went through that period usually avoid talking about it.
That was a really harsh period for all of us.

But for Rena, I think I can’t put those memories away. Even though those times were really hard and frustrating, at the same time, it was a very beautiful and important memory for Rena. Because we experienced those frustrations, everyone worked together and helped each other, and together we managed to overcome whatever that was in front of us.

I think this was when the bond of the first generation was born.

The JKT48 that we all know now is only there because we managed to overcome that hardship. We managed to somehow appear in a lot of TV programs, and I was also given the chance to be a senbatsu member most of the time.

Also, at the theater, “Cancel-machi” ( waiting for cancellation ) was coined. JKT48 became more well known, Haruka-san, Akicha-san also joined us as members.
I was very happy at that time – until I found out that I will have to be separated from Indonesia.

Even though I have said many times that I will work my hardest to make JKT48 known to the fans in Japan, I still feel that my efforts are still lacking, and I’m still not satisfied at the results of my efforts at the moment. It’s sad and frustrating. But with the way that I am now, I feel that this result was not unexpected.

During the half-year of my concurrency, I was always worried and troubled about a lot of things.

But incidentally during that time in Jakarta, the JKT48 Calendar Senbatsu Sousenkyo event was in order.

For me that didn’t even appear in Jakarta anymore for theater or TV appearances, to have my name called as a senbatsu member, I was so very deeply moved.

There are still people out there that are supporting me.

That’s why, even in Japan, I will try my hardest.
I will try my hardest until I finally be able to pay back the enormous love and support that I have received from JKT48 fans in Indonesia.

But, for me, for this Jakarta trip to be the last, I still can’t fathom it.

As a member of AKB48 Team B, the fortunate environment and surroundings that I have been blessed with all these times, I will throw all those away.

I will think of myself now as just a mere weed, and I will live as such.

And from that tiny little weed, I will try my hardest to grow up to be a beautiful, glittering flower.

So, that watering pot… no matter how little water is left in that watering pot, please, please, shower this little weed with whatever that’s left.

No matter how little water and sunlight that this weed receives, even if only in the corner of that big stage, this weed will NOT lose – and it will definitely mature. Definitely.

I wonder why… In Jakarta, when the plane I was on departed to Japan, I didn’t feel anything at all… but after it landed in Haneda Airport ( Tokyo ) and I reached my house, I cried so, so hard.

Even I don’t understand what happened to me.

For the people in Japan, I’m pretty sure you still think of me as a weird, puzzling member, yes? But I really, really hope that you would give it a go in trying to cultivate this little weed.

That’s why, if you have any questions about me, feel free to ask me anything.

With every Google+ post that I posted, I will try my best to answer at least 2 or 3 of your questions.

I will be hoping for your support from now on. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.